walk away.

Your silence killed me

Without telling me what I have done 

Did I hurt you?

So I closed my eyes

Walked a step

And I leaped across a streamlet

The beginning of my vagabond chapter

I brought my bag

And honestly, I didn't look back

Not even once

"Don't look back, don't look back"

Since you pushed me away

I had to drag myself out of your sight

Persuaded my ego to leave your wretched soul

As time passed by

You've become a stranger each time I see you

Perhaps, leaving you is beneficial after all

Because they told me

Walking away is better than keep staying

When you're no longer needed

There..

what takes me here.

Since I've got nothing to do tonight so I think I'd like to spend some time to write here. ceh padahal assignment banyak kot tapi biasalah lumrah manusia ni suka procrascinate kan lepastu buat last minute baru nak merungut trang tang tang tang. okay mengarut. I actually have no idea why I have the urge to update my blog tonight, right now I mean. maybe to inspire people ceh.

what takes me here?

or in other words, what makes me to become a teacher? first of all, to be very very honest, being a teacher 'was' never in my main options as my parents are both teachers so I was like, "why should I become a teacher? there are already teachers in the family" plus I was born in 'keluarga cikgu'. but baba as a father, wants me to be like him. he wanted me to be a teacher even at the very first place. he was like, "no matter what happen, Along mesti jadi cikgu." but ummi is different, she's just like, "be what you want if that is what makes you happy"

but right after SPM, I wasn't destined to get IPG so I went to Asasi Sains UMS which there, I took Foundation in Science. as time passed by, I started to realize that Asasi was not a right path to me so I finally managed to re-apply the IPG and after I've finished my one year foundation programme, Alhamdulillah, by June of this year, among million students in Malaysia, I could finally get a place in 1 of 27 IPGs in Malaysia which is, IPGK Darulaman, Jitra Kedah.

I believe in "redha Allah terletak pada keredhaan ibu bapa, jika ibu bapa redha maka redhalah Allah dan jika murka ibu bapa, murka jugalah Allah kepada kita." 

Last year baba asked me to apply Arabic but I insisted and I decided to apply TESL but at the end of everything, I've got nothing. dapat kecewa adalah. Terdetik juga dalam hati "kenapa la last year tidak ikut cakap baba, kalau tidak mesti aku dekat IPG last year" tapi menyesal pun tidak guna. lagipun, Allah tidak suka orang yang menyesal kerana ia seakan-akan kita menyesali apa yang Allah tentukan untuk kita, maknanya kita tidak redha. Jadi buang jauh-jauh perasaan menyesal.

berbalik pada point utama, seorang Aisyah Assyura never dreamed to be a teacher apatah lagi seorang ustazah because I once wanted to be a doctor but dream is just a dream, I am now a future teacher. I once said to myself, "if one day I am destined to be a teacher, I wanna be an English Teacher." Tidak pernah pun terfikir mau jadi ustazah but Allah's plan is great. Sebaik mana perancangan kita, perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik kerana Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya.

All praises to Allah, betul orang kata, ikut cakap ibu bapa dapat berkat. Alhamdulillah, even sampai hari ini masih rasa keberkatan. belajar pun bahagia, senang mahu faham. bukan mahu menunjuk jauh sekali riak tapi Alhamdulillah, semuanya mungkin sebab berkat, dan Allah redha.

and InsyaAllah, I am still in progress to be a better person. because being a teacher means you're gonna be a role model for the future generations so in order to be a good role model, I have to prepare myself to become a good teacher and muslim.

"sekali kita jadi cikgu, selamanya kita cikgu. kita pencen pun orang tetap panggil cikgu. hatta kita mati sekalipun orang akan tetap ingat kita sebagai cikgu" - Tuan Haji Mustafa bin Ahmad, Mantan Pengarah IPG Kampus Darulaman

Bila fikir balik, tidak rugi pun jadi cikgu tapi rasanya antara profesion yang paling beruntung sebab banyak cuti walaupun kerja berlambak. walaupun pada hakikatnya masih ramai yang belum berfikiran terbuka dan mengatakan bahwa profesion guru ini tidak setanding hebatnya dengan profesion yang gah seperti doktor atau jurutera atau arkitek. people be like, "alah cikgu je pun" cikgu je pun je pun tapi yang je pun tu jugak yang ajar anak makcik dan pakcik sekalian, harap maklum dan sedar akan hakikat itu. cikgu zaman sekarang bukan cikai-cikai okay, rasanya kalau mau guru yang ada PHD sekalipun, boleh.

tapi ramai juga orang yang mahu jadi cikgu sebab senang dapat kerja, kerja pun senang. senang? kalau dulu aku boleh kata senang tapi sekarang aku yang rasa aku yang lalui, jujur, bukan mudah untuk menjadi seorang cikgu. sebab tu tidak kurang juga ada cikgu yang buat kerja sambil lewa, sebab apa? sebab niat tu tak betul, mai ceq nak habaq sat noh. haha. now I understand why teachers tend to give more homeworks to their students. sebab kami pun banyak homework juga :'(

what a long rant so now I rest my case, thank you.

I may can't make my dream comes true but one fine day, I'm gonna make my students' dreams come true. InsyaAllah.  

life today.

Hi world. I know it has been ages I didn't write here. Last time I wrote was on May isn't it? It was a few days after I've graduated from my foundation studies. Aaaaa rindunya zaman asasi. Oh yea talking about asasi, I think it is still not too late to tell that I am now in Kedah, furthering my studies in IPG. Which meanssssss, I'm gonna be a teacher soon. If Allah wills it.

So just in case if any of you guys were wondering what course do I take here, glad to tell you that I take Arabic Language. Satgi nak jadi ustazah noh. And if any of you wonder too why I didn't choose Science or Mathematics, well, if I really want to take Science or even Mathematics, I don't think I have to move out from UMS, am I right? So that's the answer.

And... I will be studying in IPG Kampus Darulaman, Kedah for five years. Doakanlah semoga panjang umur dan dipermudahkan urusan. So far, IPDA is such a nice place I should say. This place reminds me of my secondary school because I can see the muslimah(s) wearing tudung labuh everywhere everytime. It makes me feel like, macam di sekolah. Rindu sebenarnya tsk tsk. And the most important part is I think IPDA is definitely the right place for me bcs I found myself my life my dream and even the calmness here. Tenang tu bukan saja di luar tapi hati ni, hati ni rasa paling tenang seriously. All praises to Allah for this beautiful path that had been created for me. Verily Allah knows what's the best for us. Alhamdulillah.

So kedah. Kedah? Kedah is good so far. Tapi bumi utara panas compared to Sabah so my body temperature is still in its progress to adapt with this new background. Oh well first week kite sunburn. And kedah is way far from sabah. To be frank I could not believe that I will be far apart from my family. I mean like, this is farrrrrr :( but life needs sacrifice kan.

I learned a lot of new things here such as loghat. Loghat kedah, loghat kelate, loghat na na na na ganu kite and soooo on but so far banyak belajar slang kelate even duduk di kedah. But hey who says I can't speak kedah slang? Haaaa tu diaaaaaa lagi dua tiga bulan boleh cakap kedah noh. InsyaAllah.

So it's 12.30 am in the morning and I've got class to be attended tomorrow. So thanks for lending your time to read this crap post. May Allah bless.

Tunggu lagi 2 bulan kot baru update muehehehe kbai. Assalamualaikum.