how things change.

how time passes. the last time I wrote I was still a student who used to claim herself as a "future" educator. but that's just how time flies, I am an educator now. officially a teacher. 

it has been two years since i posted my latest entry here, things change. a lot, so far. we're in 2021 now, in the middle in this i-don't-know-when-it-ends Covid 19 Pandemic. 

I miss the old days. I hate saying this, because I don't really like holding on to something in the past but everyone's life has changed, including me. I have been planning everything I want to do and everywhere I want to set my foot at, after I have completed my studies. but unfortunately, Allah has a better plan for us, as I myself finished my studies in the midst of this pandemic, and nothing makes me sad more than the fact that I don't even got my chance to attend my convocation. But at least I have a job now, that's something to be proud of. 

I honestly don't know what to write here, or what should I rant here. I'm just writing this to fulfill my #PostDuaTahunSekali thing, and I dont think anyone would read this. well at least not someone who knows me, maybe.

I am twenty five years old now. Adulting is really hard and tiring. I have my degree, I have a job, I have my own money (and commitments), but I am also in a phase where everyone around me keeps asking me when I want to get married (as if not getting married is a sin). Well, maybe the next time I'll be updating here, I am already married. Who knows? Or maybe this will be my last entry. maybe. 

To whoever is reading this, even though I know no one reads. stay happy, stay safe and stay strong. enjoy your journey and cherish every moment. life is hard, no one says it's easy, but the only way to survive is to accept it. time passes, things will be better at the right time so just trust the process. remember everyone, each and everyone of us has their own timeline, so don't compare our lives with others. be grateful and never complaint. we might fall apart, get hurt and be shaken hard, but we have to stay tough, because in the end it is ourselves, who will be living our lives, because no one else can. and no one else is stronger than ourselves.

so be strong, for yourself. 

Decision.

Basically everyone deserves to make a decision, and in the end it is ourselves to find out either the decision ends with regrets or grateful. Sometimes, it is undeniably hard to make a decision especially when it involves our own lives and future. But I personally believe it takes courage and risk to make a decision in our lives. In the end of the day, you have to face the consequences of every decision you have made.

I was too young. and naive (ya ya i was). I have made a decision that has given a very (yes very) big impact in my life. A twenty three (i feel old tsk tsk) years old me keeps asking myself, "Do you regret of what you have done?" I have been thinking, analysing, and finding out everything. One day, it happened that I found the answer of my question, little did I know that the answer is the most correct one (and sounds brilliant haha), I would have tell it sooner but nay nay I could not turn back time. Let just keep the answer by yourself, I said to me.

So do I regret? No. Never. In fact I think that was the best decision I have made in my life. I would not have live my life as I am today if I didn't take the risk to do that. I believe everything happens for a reason. Either it is good or bad, but that's at least one point for us to learn. Keep that in your mind, teacher is telling you the truth okay :)

Whatever happened in the past, let it stays in the past. We are living forward so keep moving on. Looking back only makes you let the past haunts your life. Live your life happily. Find your happiness. Do what makes you happy. Keep thinking that whatever you have done, it must be something for you to learn.

I never knew what I actually want in my life. But I always follow and trust my heart to keep going on and surviving. There are a lot of people I have met in my life so far, teaching me goods and bads. That is how I learn how to face the world. Some can be the reasons of every decision I have done, some can be the impact of the decision I have made (omg apa kau merepek ni). But in the end of the day, I realize that the decisions in our lives actually play a big role, in shaping our journey, either it is full of colours or vice versa.

Your life, you decide. In order to decide, one has to be brave enough, only the tough one can endure the process. So I wish everyone who reads this will be blessed in their life. May the odds be ever in our favor. We're all fighter, keep fighting!

#PostDuaTahunSekali

ps: i'm typing this one using a handphone so please, big applause to me. Thanks in advance ;)

a twenty-one-year-old writes.

hi world.

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and for sure, hi blogger's world. It has been awhile and I'm back.

well, last time I wrote I was still twenty but just look on how time flies, I'm now twenty-one. This petite young lady has finally grown up. (sambil terkenang zaman mula-mula berblogging)

How's life? Life is good, so far. Everything has totally changed. Yes, a lot. Too much. Well that's life. People come and go. But those memories, remain.

So, it took me a few months to finally write here again after such a long time I left. Before I write here, I firstly re-read my old entries (which is only four entries because I've deleted the rest) and I have no idea how could I wrote like that, I mean how can an Aisyah Assyura can write those entries? so it proved that I was good in writing back then until I entered IPG haha :')

How's life in IPG as a future teacher? Alhamdulillah everything's fine. Being a teacher trainee is tough though, but I know I am always the tougher, and the toughest one :)

Okay. Right at this moment the writer's block syndrome has come so bye bye. till then, see ya. 

The Irony

The irony....

when someone once said, "one fine day, I want to be a doctor" but now is studying in education field and soon will become an educator. 

when someone wanted to become a blogger as she was on blog since she was in high school but now is only able to update on Instagram, Twitter and etc. 

when someone promised her partner to stay until the next step as far as they could reach but finally decided to leave.

when someone proudly said "I don't take coffee" but now is struggling to control her caffeine-addicted habit.

when someone determined to not further in Arabic language but now is a future Arabic teacher.

That is what we called 'The Irony'. We can only plan but at the end of the day, not everything will be packed as we expected.

because it's Allah. Allah plans, too. Surely Allah's plans are way better than ours.

After all this time, everything that happened to me and around me teaches me that life is not as smooth as we wish, as not everything we wish is the best decision in our lives.

so it's Allah. Allah gives us the best in our lives.  so, have faith. 

yet people tend to say, 

"jangan minta Allah tunaikan apa yang kita inginkan sebab apa yang kita inginkan, belum tentu terbaik untuk kita. Tapi mintalah Allah berikan yang terbaik dalam hidup kita, sebab semua yang Allah beri, adalah yang terbaik"

Allah will always give the best for us, either it is good or bad. Because everything happens for reasons. 

Have faith in Allah.

walk away.

Your silence killed me

Without telling me what I have done 

Did I hurt you?

So I closed my eyes

Walked a step

And I leaped across a streamlet

The beginning of my vagabond chapter

I brought my bag

And honestly, I didn't look back

Not even once

"Don't look back, don't look back"

Since you pushed me away

I had to drag myself out of your sight

Persuaded my ego to leave your wretched soul

As time passed by

You've become a stranger each time I see you

Perhaps, leaving you is beneficial after all

Because they told me

Walking away is better than keep staying

When you're no longer needed

There..

what takes me here.

Since I've got nothing to do tonight so I think I'd like to spend some time to write here. ceh padahal assignment banyak kot tapi biasalah lumrah manusia ni suka procrascinate kan lepastu buat last minute baru nak merungut trang tang tang tang. okay mengarut. I actually have no idea why I have the urge to update my blog tonight, right now I mean. maybe to inspire people ceh.

what takes me here?

or in other words, what makes me to become a teacher? first of all, to be very very honest, being a teacher 'was' never in my main options as my parents are both teachers so I was like, "why should I become a teacher? there are already teachers in the family" plus I was born in 'keluarga cikgu'. but baba as a father, wants me to be like him. he wanted me to be a teacher even at the very first place. he was like, "no matter what happen, Along mesti jadi cikgu." but ummi is different, she's just like, "be what you want if that is what makes you happy"

but right after SPM, I wasn't destined to get IPG so I went to Asasi Sains UMS which there, I took Foundation in Science. as time passed by, I started to realize that Asasi was not a right path to me so I finally managed to re-apply the IPG and after I've finished my one year foundation programme, Alhamdulillah, by June of this year, among million students in Malaysia, I could finally get a place in 1 of 27 IPGs in Malaysia which is, IPGK Darulaman, Jitra Kedah.

I believe in "redha Allah terletak pada keredhaan ibu bapa, jika ibu bapa redha maka redhalah Allah dan jika murka ibu bapa, murka jugalah Allah kepada kita." 

Last year baba asked me to apply Arabic but I insisted and I decided to apply TESL but at the end of everything, I've got nothing. dapat kecewa adalah. Terdetik juga dalam hati "kenapa la last year tidak ikut cakap baba, kalau tidak mesti aku dekat IPG last year" tapi menyesal pun tidak guna. lagipun, Allah tidak suka orang yang menyesal kerana ia seakan-akan kita menyesali apa yang Allah tentukan untuk kita, maknanya kita tidak redha. Jadi buang jauh-jauh perasaan menyesal.

berbalik pada point utama, seorang Aisyah Assyura never dreamed to be a teacher apatah lagi seorang ustazah because I once wanted to be a doctor but dream is just a dream, I am now a future teacher. I once said to myself, "if one day I am destined to be a teacher, I wanna be an English Teacher." Tidak pernah pun terfikir mau jadi ustazah but Allah's plan is great. Sebaik mana perancangan kita, perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik kerana Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya.

All praises to Allah, betul orang kata, ikut cakap ibu bapa dapat berkat. Alhamdulillah, even sampai hari ini masih rasa keberkatan. belajar pun bahagia, senang mahu faham. bukan mahu menunjuk jauh sekali riak tapi Alhamdulillah, semuanya mungkin sebab berkat, dan Allah redha.

and InsyaAllah, I am still in progress to be a better person. because being a teacher means you're gonna be a role model for the future generations so in order to be a good role model, I have to prepare myself to become a good teacher and muslim.

"sekali kita jadi cikgu, selamanya kita cikgu. kita pencen pun orang tetap panggil cikgu. hatta kita mati sekalipun orang akan tetap ingat kita sebagai cikgu" - Tuan Haji Mustafa bin Ahmad, Mantan Pengarah IPG Kampus Darulaman

Bila fikir balik, tidak rugi pun jadi cikgu tapi rasanya antara profesion yang paling beruntung sebab banyak cuti walaupun kerja berlambak. walaupun pada hakikatnya masih ramai yang belum berfikiran terbuka dan mengatakan bahwa profesion guru ini tidak setanding hebatnya dengan profesion yang gah seperti doktor atau jurutera atau arkitek. people be like, "alah cikgu je pun" cikgu je pun je pun tapi yang je pun tu jugak yang ajar anak makcik dan pakcik sekalian, harap maklum dan sedar akan hakikat itu. cikgu zaman sekarang bukan cikai-cikai okay, rasanya kalau mau guru yang ada PHD sekalipun, boleh.

tapi ramai juga orang yang mahu jadi cikgu sebab senang dapat kerja, kerja pun senang. senang? kalau dulu aku boleh kata senang tapi sekarang aku yang rasa aku yang lalui, jujur, bukan mudah untuk menjadi seorang cikgu. sebab tu tidak kurang juga ada cikgu yang buat kerja sambil lewa, sebab apa? sebab niat tu tak betul, mai ceq nak habaq sat noh. haha. now I understand why teachers tend to give more homeworks to their students. sebab kami pun banyak homework juga :'(

what a long rant so now I rest my case, thank you.

I may can't make my dream comes true but one fine day, I'm gonna make my students' dreams come true. InsyaAllah.  

life today.

Hi world. I know it has been ages I didn't write here. Last time I wrote was on May isn't it? It was a few days after I've graduated from my foundation studies. Aaaaa rindunya zaman asasi. Oh yea talking about asasi, I think it is still not too late to tell that I am now in Kedah, furthering my studies in IPG. Which meanssssss, I'm gonna be a teacher soon. If Allah wills it.

So just in case if any of you guys were wondering what course do I take here, glad to tell you that I take Arabic Language. Satgi nak jadi ustazah noh. And if any of you wonder too why I didn't choose Science or Mathematics, well, if I really want to take Science or even Mathematics, I don't think I have to move out from UMS, am I right? So that's the answer.

And... I will be studying in IPG Kampus Darulaman, Kedah for five years. Doakanlah semoga panjang umur dan dipermudahkan urusan. So far, IPDA is such a nice place I should say. This place reminds me of my secondary school because I can see the muslimah(s) wearing tudung labuh everywhere everytime. It makes me feel like, macam di sekolah. Rindu sebenarnya tsk tsk. And the most important part is I think IPDA is definitely the right place for me bcs I found myself my life my dream and even the calmness here. Tenang tu bukan saja di luar tapi hati ni, hati ni rasa paling tenang seriously. All praises to Allah for this beautiful path that had been created for me. Verily Allah knows what's the best for us. Alhamdulillah.

So kedah. Kedah? Kedah is good so far. Tapi bumi utara panas compared to Sabah so my body temperature is still in its progress to adapt with this new background. Oh well first week kite sunburn. And kedah is way far from sabah. To be frank I could not believe that I will be far apart from my family. I mean like, this is farrrrrr :( but life needs sacrifice kan.

I learned a lot of new things here such as loghat. Loghat kedah, loghat kelate, loghat na na na na ganu kite and soooo on but so far banyak belajar slang kelate even duduk di kedah. But hey who says I can't speak kedah slang? Haaaa tu diaaaaaa lagi dua tiga bulan boleh cakap kedah noh. InsyaAllah.

So it's 12.30 am in the morning and I've got class to be attended tomorrow. So thanks for lending your time to read this crap post. May Allah bless.

Tunggu lagi 2 bulan kot baru update muehehehe kbai. Assalamualaikum.