how things change.

how time passes. the last time I wrote I was still a student who used to claim herself as a "future" educator. but that's just how time flies, I am an educator now. officially a teacher. 

it has been two years since i posted my latest entry here, things change. a lot, so far. we're in 2021 now, in the middle in this i-don't-know-when-it-ends Covid 19 Pandemic. 

I miss the old days. I hate saying this, because I don't really like holding on to something in the past but everyone's life has changed, including me. I have been planning everything I want to do and everywhere I want to set my foot at, after I have completed my studies. but unfortunately, Allah has a better plan for us, as I myself finished my studies in the midst of this pandemic, and nothing makes me sad more than the fact that I don't even got my chance to attend my convocation. But at least I have a job now, that's something to be proud of. 

I honestly don't know what to write here, or what should I rant here. I'm just writing this to fulfill my #PostDuaTahunSekali thing, and I dont think anyone would read this. well at least not someone who knows me, maybe.

I am twenty five years old now. Adulting is really hard and tiring. I have my degree, I have a job, I have my own money (and commitments), but I am also in a phase where everyone around me keeps asking me when I want to get married (as if not getting married is a sin). Well, maybe the next time I'll be updating here, I am already married. Who knows? Or maybe this will be my last entry. maybe. 

To whoever is reading this, even though I know no one reads. stay happy, stay safe and stay strong. enjoy your journey and cherish every moment. life is hard, no one says it's easy, but the only way to survive is to accept it. time passes, things will be better at the right time so just trust the process. remember everyone, each and everyone of us has their own timeline, so don't compare our lives with others. be grateful and never complaint. we might fall apart, get hurt and be shaken hard, but we have to stay tough, because in the end it is ourselves, who will be living our lives, because no one else can. and no one else is stronger than ourselves.

so be strong, for yourself. 

Decision.

Basically everyone deserves to make a decision, and in the end it is ourselves to find out either the decision ends with regrets or grateful. Sometimes, it is undeniably hard to make a decision especially when it involves our own lives and future. But I personally believe it takes courage and risk to make a decision in our lives. In the end of the day, you have to face the consequences of every decision you have made.

I was too young. and naive (ya ya i was). I have made a decision that has given a very (yes very) big impact in my life. A twenty three (i feel old tsk tsk) years old me keeps asking myself, "Do you regret of what you have done?" I have been thinking, analysing, and finding out everything. One day, it happened that I found the answer of my question, little did I know that the answer is the most correct one (and sounds brilliant haha), I would have tell it sooner but nay nay I could not turn back time. Let just keep the answer by yourself, I said to me.

So do I regret? No. Never. In fact I think that was the best decision I have made in my life. I would not have live my life as I am today if I didn't take the risk to do that. I believe everything happens for a reason. Either it is good or bad, but that's at least one point for us to learn. Keep that in your mind, teacher is telling you the truth okay :)

Whatever happened in the past, let it stays in the past. We are living forward so keep moving on. Looking back only makes you let the past haunts your life. Live your life happily. Find your happiness. Do what makes you happy. Keep thinking that whatever you have done, it must be something for you to learn.

I never knew what I actually want in my life. But I always follow and trust my heart to keep going on and surviving. There are a lot of people I have met in my life so far, teaching me goods and bads. That is how I learn how to face the world. Some can be the reasons of every decision I have done, some can be the impact of the decision I have made (omg apa kau merepek ni). But in the end of the day, I realize that the decisions in our lives actually play a big role, in shaping our journey, either it is full of colours or vice versa.

Your life, you decide. In order to decide, one has to be brave enough, only the tough one can endure the process. So I wish everyone who reads this will be blessed in their life. May the odds be ever in our favor. We're all fighter, keep fighting!

#PostDuaTahunSekali

ps: i'm typing this one using a handphone so please, big applause to me. Thanks in advance ;)